Blog 5: 18th April 2014. Birds, spaceships and a gourmet buffet

Fending for ourselves

This day started without time targets, instead the rudimentary plan existed of venturing to the bird park behind the Islamic Art Gallery. We followed our usual regime of going down for breakfast, this time eating outside in the smoking area as a result of the inside being full. We had our usual fruit juice, tea, melon and roti canai, before returning upstairs to the newspaper hanging on our door handle. While getting ready to go out, we read the search for MH370, still grabbing front-page slots over a month on, and the sad news of the recent death of one of the leading figures of the Malaysian government's main opposition party, Dr Karpal Singh, during a car trip to Penang from KL yesterday. Wallet, keys, phone, passports and Emma's multicoloured rucksack in tow, we set off for Ampang Park station.

Looking at a travel map we'd picked up when we'd arrived in KL, we found we needed to take the Ampang Line LRT as far as KL Sentral station, i.e. the opposite direction to which we'd come to the hotel, and then take the Seremban to Rawang KTM line one stop to "Kuala Lumpur" station. The first leg of the journey was from the familiar Ampang Park station, just down the road from our hotel, and we soon arrived at KL Sentral. The KTM departed from a platform beneath the main station concourse, as opposed to the LRT which had arrived one level above it, so we took the escalators downwards after purchasing two return tickets, one of which via an automated machine, the other via a clerk owing to the machines not accepting Malaysia's new plastic (and partially transparent) bank notes! Whilst waiting on the lower platform for our KTM to arrive, we noticed that there would be one carriage of our train entirely reserved for women! Emma and I debated the rationale behind this, Emma taking the view that maybe the women wanted to be away from all the smelly men (quite reasonable); I wondered if the men did not want to share a carriage with women. We'll never know, but it was an interesting discovery and certainly not something that would be entertained by our non-discriminatory West!

No men allowed in this carriage!

The train pulled into the station, preceded by a gush of warm air and its headlights reflecting from the twin rails. It had a polished aluminium finish, with only a thin blue, white and red strip running along its length about a third of the way up. They resembled the trains of the New York metro or American Airlines jetliners. We boarded, and after a short while the train emerged into the grey light of the overcast day. Through the windows we could pick out some recognisable landmarks, and the tall buildings of the city centre in the distance. Standing up for our one-stop journey, we picked out an iconic skyscraper, a tall white monolith with classic Islamic design, in that there were no windows visible, merely a white concrete meshwork of intricate repeating, tesselating shapes stretching up the whole building. Nabila informed us later that this building was an administrative and retail facility, containing offices, shopping mall and post office; it was once one of KL's crowning jewels, that is before the developments of the twin towers had been completed. Next to come into view was the spiked white minaret of the national mosque, and behind it in the tree-covered hillside a huge grey netted area, beneath which many trees were visible - this, we knew, was the KL bird park, the direction in which we were heading. The train sometimes travelled parallel to, and sometimes crossed over many raised concrete highways, and whilst looking out over the concrete-lined channel of the River Klang (Sungai Klang), we arrived at our final destination, the station named Kuala Lumpur. 

Disembarking we headed for the exit, and were guided by a very helpful station assistant manning the barriers to walk over a footbridge, back along the opposite platform and leave the station via Door A (Pintu A), then find our way across the road and head right, before turning left to the bird park. This we duly did, and only once we had exited via Pintu A and left the station building behind did I realise that we had actually been inside the huge white building of the old train station that we had previously driven past! I had a feeling that Emma had already figured this out. We crossed the dual carriageway by walking to the nearest pedestrian crossing, albeit in the opposite direction in which we were heading; the crossing did not seem to respond to its giant silver button being pushed, but we crossed eventually without risking life or limb, and proceeded to walk back along the length of the station, outside of the KTM headquarters building, to the directions pointed out to us by the assistant. We rounded the corner at the end of the buildings and turned left, keeping the national mosque to our right and the law courts to our left. The tourist information signs pointed us up the hill behind the Islamic Art Gallery, so this is the direction we walked. I was intrigued by an artistic but totally useless handrail - a silver cylinder placed at waist-height, but distorted deliberately to look like some sort of huge steady-hand game! All in the name of art, I supposed. 

Kuala Lumpur old station, the white facade and its huge watchtower overlooking the street below.

The giant silver button of the pedestrian crossing! OK, so maybe a bit of forced perspective here...

You could tell we were tourists - there were no Malaysians silly enough to walk up a mile-long hill in the middle of the day! I couldn't believe how far it actually was to the bird park, often double-checking the signs, much to Emma's annoyance who just believed that we were going in the right direction. Of course, we were, and as we climbed the hill further the noise of the traffic behind us gradually abated, giving way to the high pitched electrifying hum of millions of insects in the trees ahead of us, and the occasional loud cawing of peacocks (as identified by Emma, thanks to those on the Bure site), along with other unidentifiable sounds perforating the air. 

The road snaked to the right, a long U-shape hugging the walls of a small valley between two tree-covered hills which joined in the middle. Seeing the entrance to KL's planetarium on the left hand side as we rounded another right-hander, we walked up past a Police Museum, complete with a Cessna 150 overhead-wing light aircraft ceremoniously perched on a metal post, and looking down the embankment to the museum to the right, saw a GPMG (general purpose machine gun) sitting on a gravelly platform, along with various items of the police force's history - more guns, some motorcycles, and a couple of cars, in front of a small beige concrete building, complete with a guard at the door armed with a pistol. The next item of interest was a memorial garden dedicated to a prominent national figure, though exactly who Tun Abdul Mazuk was we did not know. By this time we were nearing the bird park, its green netting clearly visible through the trees to our right, sloping away from us and appearing grey in the reflected light from the sky. We were amused by a yellow diamond warning sign for road users with a picture of a monkey on it!

Beware of the monkeys!

The netting spread out across Malaysia's, if not the world's, "largest covered free-flight walk-in aviary", with the Police museum in the foreground

After another ten minutes of walking, feet already starting to hurt, we rounded a final corner and spread out in front of us, we saw the low terracotta roof covering an outside waiting area and cafe seating area of the bird sanctuary, at the far end of a small car-park. Walking through the car park, noting old style red and white Proton Saga taxis lined up for fares by the cafe, we could see the ticket office ahead, complete with two glass windows for buying tickets. It was a small magnolia coloured hut under one end of the terracotta roof; the cafe building stood at the other end, and a bit beyond the whole structure stood what looked like a wooden house on stilts, but this actually turned out to be a restaurant called The Hornbill.

We bought two tickets for the bird park, at RM48 each (totalling about £20 for both of us), and received orange and white striped wristbands which would allow us through security. For citizens of Malaysia with a "MyKad" ID, it would cost RM25 each. Next to the ticket sales desk we noticed two off-road Segway-2's, and enquired as to how much it would cost and what a Segway tour would entail. We were however told that the cost would be yet another RM50 each, and lasting 15 minutes the ride would not be in the bird park but rather around its perimeter. Prohibitively expensive and, dare I say, pointless, we opted not to go for it. This wouldn't be our only chance to Segway, as it turned out.

After purchasing two chilled Ribena cartons from the cafe, we waved our wrist bands and said terima kasih to the guard at the gates, and prepared to step through a set of green wire-meshed metal gates, Emma with map of the park poised and multicoloured rucksack proudly worn on her front. Stepping through the first gate, Emma asked innocently "is this the wrong time to say I'm scared of birds?". I raised one eyebrow, then the other, then we continued onwards. The gate led us into an air-lock device, with a vertical screen formed of tightly-packed hanging chains down the middle of it, separating the front door from another green gate, and marking beginning of the aviary itself. We were immediately greeted by what looked like a couple of parakeets, certainly some sort of bird from the parrot family, perched on a nearby lamppost.

I won't go into details about the bird park, as you can well use your imagination to fill in the details, only I will say that it was indeed very big, had birds flying around all over the place, yet even more birds walking around completely tame to the humans sharing their land with them. There were a few enclosures for rarer, or maybe predatory species, such as some small eagles and a couple of huge hornbills. Peacocks roamed freely, occasionally showing off their plumage - including one which didn't seem to realise that he had no real tail feathers left of note. I felt he'd fallen off his perch somewhat, and was living in a life of abject denial. Poor guy! We stumbled across an enclosure with a huge long-necked bird, body the size of a small pony, which for some inexplicable lapse of communication between my occipital lobe and temporal lobes I promptly announced to Emma;
"Gosh, that's a big turkey!"
"Are you kidding Jimmy?"
"No, why?" - looking puzzled.
Emma raised her eyebrows. I realised the error of my ways, "Oh... It's an ostrich isn't it?"
"Er, yes". Taxi!

Emma next to a bird whose species shared a pond with the Flamingos. Apparently very rare now, this dopey looking long-legged creature had an exotic name that I can't remember anymore!

Nearing the end of our visit to the park, and having stopped for a rapidly-melting Cornetto we approached a final enclosure filled with pelicans and flamingoes, with a mock waterfall and large water feature, covered again, and with dozens of monkeys of all ages climbing over its netted roof. I felt that the Malaysian nationals might chuckle at obvious tourist types, paying all that money to get into a bird park yet spending half and hour watching their equivalent of squirrels! We left the bird park through its visitors shop, me buying a very stylish T-shirt as a memento, then headed back up the winding road toward the KL Planetarium.

The Planetarium's giant silver dome could be seen from some points as we walked up the tree-covered winding path leading up to it from the winding main road. The sign at the beginning of the path denoted "anda disini" - you are here, next to a big red arrow on a map of the path and complex. We climbed the narrow path, formed from interlocking bricks, and every now and then avoiding holes caused by erosion of the soils below from rain. A storm sewer ran parallel to the path, and we crossed a small bridge and climbed a flight of stairs to arrive at the top, the high-pitched singing insects of the bird sanctuary fading amidst the city sounds further away. To our right we noticed a building marked as being the headquarters of the Malaysian National Space Agency, a grey and white bungalow about 200m in length, with an overhanging entranceway and some black cars parked outside in its car park. A flagpole flew the flag of the agency over the unimposing building.

To the left, and up a gently sloping driveway, stood the white building of the planetarium complex. There were no signs as to where the pintu masuk might be, let alone whether it was open or not. There were no signs of life in either building, so far as we could see, though getting closer to the white planetarium and entering a tunnel beneath its belly we spotted what looked like a security lodge, with dozens of sandals and flip-flops left outside (Asian custom is to not wear any type of footwear indoors, except in hotels and shopping malls). A short but wide set of cement stairs led up to a set of glass doors and a reception desk within the short tunnel under the building; climbing the stairs I found both doors locked, but at about that time a man emerged from a side door carrying a mop and bucket - I asked where the entrance was, and he pointed, with his thumb pressed on top of fisted fingers with arm outstretched, toward the other end of the tunnel and up a flight of stairs, with a tiny blue signpost bearing the word "Masuk" next to it. Climbing the stairs we arrived on an enclosed courtyard, with a few benches and lampposts scattered throughout it. This was a pavement, but formed the roof of the tunnel below. One white tourist sat on a bench in the shade, on his mobile phone. Emma and I wandered around a bit, to the side of the building, trying to look for a door to get in, but found none; We eventually ventured further out into the courtyard and only then saw the glass entry doors and ticket office leading into the building. It cost nothing to get into the planetarium itself, but cost RM10 per person to view a "show" in the main auditorium, which happened on the hour every hour. We entered the darkened exhibition room, squeezing past scores of schoolgirls dressed in white tudongs, the Malaysian national school uniform consisting of flowing white robe and Muslim head dress. Their teacher beckoned them to allow us to pass them as we walked through past them and adjusted our eyes to the dim lighting inside.

The exhibition room was like a miniature version of the Science Museum's Launchpad, it had various hands-on exhibits such as make-your-own tornadoes, demonstration of why the atmosphere is blue, and how lightning is formed; It also had various information boards about celestial features like the constellations and galaxies. A blue neon-sign on the other side of the large black room announced an "Anti-Gravity Room". Emma and I perused the exhibits, having been told to listen out for the announcement for the next show in the main auditorium, situated at the back of the exhibition room as seen from the direction we had entered. To the right, next to the anti-gravity room, stood an odd feature - simply a room, one wall of which was painted with a photograph from the Mars landers, and its front wall had a metal-edged hole cut out of it. A title was placed over a large amount of headered text on this wall, Akhbar Planetarium Negara - National Planetarium News. The large text read No. 1 rakyat Malaysia pertama di Marikh. By the time I'd seen the front wall, Emma had ventured inside the room, and through the little window proclaimed,
"Jimmy, I don't see the point of this, what is it all about?!"
to which I replied "Stay there, let me take a photo".
As you can see below, it turned out that this was a great way to put Emma on the front page of the newspaper of the National Planetarium - by some strange twist of fate, and mostly unexpected as a result of a holiday to Malaysia, she became the first Malaysian on Mars!

With dubious preconceptions, I walked up to the anti-gravity room. My science background never serves me well when I'm presented with such blatant lies! BUT! What a surprise, when I went up to the entrance of the box. From the outside it looked nothing more than the size of a garden shed, with a slide, yes, a plastic blue slide, leading out from the lower right side as you looked at it, beneath the neon logo. What appeared to be the entrance was a darkened passageway, with a black step leading up to a low hole in the wall. One assumed that you had to crawl through this hole into a blue-hued featureless void beyond. Now actually intrigued, I climbed through and found myself in a control room of some kind, lit by an eerie blue light and with dials, buttons and flashing LEDs on the far wall. The thing was, though, is that this room was on an obvious tilt! At the time, still half-in, half-out, I hadn't thought anything of it. However, as soon as I climbed into the room, things got a bit weird!! I now understood why they called it an anti-gravity room. Being tilted at about 30° both longitudinally and axially, yet offering absolutely no visual clues inside as to this being the case, this little rectangular box very successfully confused the heck out of my vestibular system, and I felt instantly giddy, to the extent of taking a while to find my footing and ending up bashing into the lowest wall! I immediately crawled back out of the hatch to find Emma and tell her the exciting discovery, and in doing so spontaneously resumed my sense of balance. Emma dutifully arrived, unaware of what was in store for her arrival, and, like me, was instantly thrown off-kilter by the magic of the little blue room. It was even funnier to have someone else in the room with you - when at last we managed to balance, Em looked at me and said 

"Jim, do you have any idea how funny you look?"

Expecting this to be something do with my hair pointing up at random angles, or maybe a bit of cornetto left on my nose, I replied "Huh?"

"You're leaning at a crazy angle! Here, watch!" she let go of the hand-rail she was holding at the top of the room, and lo and behold, there she stood, perfectly balanced at 30° to the vertical! I tried to walk to reach her but ended up bouncing off the lower walls in the process. Well, we spent ages in that little room sending bottles rolling along a seemingly flat floor, and trying to stand on one leg. Eventually however, time marching inexorably on, and indeed our brains slowly getting used to the conflicting visual and cochlear information, we decided to call it quits and exited the room in the best way possible - the blue slide which had been so kindly provided for us, me filming as we went down and unfortunately thwacking the lens out of alignment of my dearest Casio Exilim camera, although thankfully this was fixable with a bit of elbow grease to a nearly normal working state until we got to Kota Bharu the week after.

After leaving the incredible super-anti-gravity chamber of dreams, its neon lights not nearly advertising its magical qualities enough, we heard the announcement over the tannoy that the show was about to start in the main auditorium, and headed in the direction of the entrance doors, handing over our show tickets to a waiting steward. Climbing a curving pathway, we emerged into the front of another spatially disorienting environment, this time a huge grey dome, with very few visual clues as to its alignment other than about 20 rows of seats gradually sloping away from us, their slope forming the base of the dome, putting it at a tilt. The auditorium was lit with red, green and blue soft uplights, converging to form a mass of white light at the apex of the tilted dome. In the centre of the seating stood a weird looking contraption, a silver ball with dozens of small lenses poking out of it. It looked like the product of conception between R2D2 and a colander. This of course was the total immersion 180x360° special projector. Our tickets told us to sit near the top of the auditorium, behind the projector, but as we were two of about 10 people in the whole place, we elected to take our seats slightly further away from the multi-faceted silver eye, and sat down to await the start of the show, not knowing what to expect.

To our surprise, the dulcet Scottish tones of David Tennant emerged from the room's surround sound system, introducing the show about the future of space and communication technology, by a UK educational foundation; and the wrap-around screen displayed incredible panoramic and total-immersion footage of Earth, mountains, telescope installations in Chile, and the James Webb space telescope, among other things. I was impressed by the show actually, though not a single mention was given to what I expected a planetarium would be like, i.e. the planets, and stars! Still, we were pleased to have experienced it, it was entertaining and educational!

We left the auditorium after the show via the doors marked Keluar, and descending through a non-air conditioned flight of tiled stairs, reemerged on the ground floor exhibition room. We followed signs to the loos (tandas), and via the tunnel leading us there, happened across a second exhibition room behind the auditorium, which contained a mock-up of a lab on the international space station, and a mock-up of a Russian Soyuz capsule (which Em climbed into and posed as an astronaut), along with a real space suit in a glass cage, and an out-of-order gyroscope type nausea-inducing device formed of three concentric rings which spin you in an X, Y and Z direction simultaneously, to really confuse your semicircular canals.

We left the planetarium, and although my sense of direction took us toward the station via an alternative route down the back of the planetarium, it failed to anticipate the lack of a viable pathway to do so, so after quite a long walk in the wrong direction down a hill, and spotting an iguana lazing its way across a deserted car park, we turned around and had to climb back to the planetarium before retracing our steps past the police museum and mosque, back to the old railway station. I suggested trying the pedestrian subway instead of walking to the end of the road to cross at the lights, to get to the station;

"Is it safe Jim?"

"Looks it, but I don't know. Though, that man has just come out on his own, and there's a woman just gone down. Looks safe enough"

"OK, fine, we'll see"

"In situations like this it's always wise to scout out anyone behind you, before you go into a tunnel - the only way to trap someone is by having a person at both ends!"

"Did you read that in an action book, Jimjim?"

We bought an ice lemon tea on the station platform, having crossed back over the footbridge to the KTM platform, noting that the mainline train to KL Sentral would stop here but not for another 90 minutes! We waited amongst growing crowds of commuters, and boarded the gleaming polished metal train to get back to KL Sentral station, and from there the LRT back to Ampang Park and the InterContinental Hotel.

Gourmet Makan

We had no plans this evening, other than a nice relaxing night in a posh hotel. After freshening up, we dressed in our best, and having made a reservation for two down in the buffet, headed downstairs to the hotel restaurant, the Serena Brasserie. Emma had found an offer on the hotel's intranet site, for two to eat there for about RM250, just under £40 in total - turning out to be a five-star four-course all-you-can-eat buffet for two, including fresh oysters, mussels, clams, smoked salmon, beautiful oriental cuisine, and the biggest selection of desserts I'd ever seen in my life. Delicious! Satisfactorily satiated, we retired to our room, and Emma napped occasionally through the The Dark Knight Rises showing on the Home Box Office (HBO) channel on the in-room Astro service. We'd be up early tomorrow for our final day in this beautiful Malaysian capital city.

The fish bar at The Serena Brasserie's buffet; Oysters plentiful, with fresh crab and as much shellfish as you could ever want.

Blog 3: 16th April 2014. Arriving at Kuala Lumpur

Simply capital!

So we spent one night at the Concorde Inn, and checked out soon after breakfast by about 10 AM. That wasn't the last time we'd see that hotel though. We then took the free bus to the airport terminal, a different driver this time but still the same break-neck turns! From there descended the other set of lifts, this time the correct set, and found ourselves on the station concourse for the "KLIA Ekspres" train (10 points for guessing what that means). Something like RM35 each for a one-way to the city centre, equating to just under ₤7 for a nearly hour-long journey. The tickets weren't printed but instead were re-useable chip cards, similar to Oyster cards but thinner. They could be held above the NFC (near-field communication) reader at the gates, or inserted into the machines themselves at the end of the journey.

There were only two platforms at the airport station, one was the Express train, not stopping at all between the airport and the city's main station (KL Sentral) 30 miles away. The other line, for blue ticket holders only (ours were purple), was slightly cheaper but took you to about 10 stops between the airport and the city, including all the residential and business areas en-route (e.g. the nation's seat of government at Putrajaya, just outside KL). The airport was due south of the capital, built to expand the country's previous international airport called Subang, which was situated near to the heart of KL but only had one terminal and runway complex as opposed to KLIA's two and room for expansion. The Formula One international circuit, home of the Malaysian Grand Prix, at Sepang, is situated directly east of the airport, and can be seen on a clear day as you take off or land.

We waited for our train to arrive, listening out for numbers as announcements for the train were given in Malay first then English (Malay numbers 0 to 10 are kosong, satu, dua, tiga, umpat, lima, enam, tuju, lapan, sembilan, sepulu). Sitting waiting for the train at Platform 1, we were amongst about 20 people waiting, and entertained by large videoscreen advertising boards repeating about 4 adverts on a constant loop, complete with a dramatic musical accompaniment in the form of a dramatic drumbeat! It actually put me slightly on edge!

The train pulled up to the station eventually, lima minutes late, and stopped behind the glass barriers separating the air-conditioned platforms from the tracks, which silently slid open to let the disembarking passengers off before we queued up to get on, complete with our still-bobbled suitcases, one yellow, one black. Finding a seat on the air conditioned train we were greeted by yet more videoscreens, this time advertising a clothing brand and the same advert with the dramatic drumbeat. We were confronted with the faces of some famous footballers (I assume) in a Nike advert, one looking like Wayne Rooney, Emma confirming this. The train left the station in the direction it had arrived, and after passing through some concrete-lined cuttings, emerged into the countryside of Selangor, the state surrounding the federal territory of the city of Kuala Lumpur. There were no fields, only hundreds upon thousands of rows of deliberately planted palm trees, bearing hundreds of gallons of biofuel for the farmers. They stretched for miles in every direction, only occasionally interspersed with the odd red-dirt track dusty road, or a red coloured cloudy stream sinuously tracking through the valleys as they went past. We crossed a bridge over a dual carriageway, and continued on into the countryside heading north toward population, and mountains looming in the distance ahead of us to the right.

Civilization gradually became more apparent, starting with the occasional rusty corrugated-iron roofed grey concrete bungalows so typical of this part of the world, with their dilapidated Proton Saga cars in the dustry driveways, covered in many layers of dust, often with bumpers half-hanging off, and sometimes accompanied by an upturned old wooden boat with a couple of oars, in case of flooding. The palm trees by this point had given way to more diverse and dense forest, with odd columns of smoke rising from it in the near distance. The train tracks were soon joined by a main road in parallel with them, and further tracks coming in from other places in the country; nearing the first hills and jungle-covered mountains, we caught our first glimpses of the built-up multi-storey buildings of Putrajaya, the seat of government, Cyberjaya, the home of Malaysian Information/Communication Technology, and in the distance, the famous tapering twin towers of the Petronas headquarters, at Kuala Lumpur City Centre (KLCC), towering over the landscape at a height of 452 metres from top to bottom. The unique tapering towers come to a pair of huge points with silver balls atop giant needles, and about 1/3rd up their height are joined together by a unique skybridge, on the 44th floor, supported by a bipod structure of suspension rods coming together in the centre of the bridge and descending at an angle toward the two towers on either side. The train weaved through increasingly built up areas, and curved along the side of hills hewn to take the tracks during their construction over 10 years ago. Eventually it started slowing, amongst some towering buildings of uptown KL, before coming to a terminus at KL Sentral station.

From the station we followed the signs for Keluar (exit), and inserting our e-cards into the ticket barriers, emerged into the huge KL Sentral complex. Our line was only one of many lines operating from here, others including the commuter KTM service, and other lines connecting the various parts of KL overground or underground. We looked for signs for the LRT, the rapid transit line that would take us to our eventual destination of the Intercontinental Hotel in KLCC, via the Ampang line, at the Ampang Park station.

Map of KL's transit lines; Ampang Park is on the pink line, the Ampang line. http://klsentral.org/

KL Sentral station is huge, it is a high-ceilinged, multi-level complex, with a market on the ground floor, including places to makan (eat), selling everything from noodles and rice to western food in the form of Burger King and McDonald's. We had to ask our way to the LRT line as it was not well signposted ("di mana LRT?"). We purchased two tickets to Ampang Park via a clever touch-screen interactive map of the travel network, costing us the grand total of RM2 each (or 40p for 8 stops - eat your heart out Boris!), and received a blue chipcoin similar to that you get in car parks, which contained our travel information.

Passing toward the actual platform we touched our blue chipcoins on yet more NFC readers and the barriers opened, allowing us to walk through and ascend the escalator to the platform we needed, which was gradually filling with people from all over the world. We weren't the only orang puteh (white people) there, nor indeed the only ones wearing shorts. The platform was breezy, and overlooked some of the market area of the station below us. The station was totally covered, but open at both ends of the LRT tracks which came in from either side. Our train was the second to arrive at the station, the previous one going the other way on the opposite tracks. It was a white, modern-looking, clean train, consisting of two carriages, and crucially, no driver! I assume the train-driver's union doesn't exist in Malaysia. It was standing-room only by the time we boarded, next to some English-speaking girls who helpfully informed us they came from "England", and on further probing, near Birmingham. They got off a couple of stops before us; I chuckled to Emma as we passed a station called DANG WANGI - I mean, seriously? Very funny. We went underground before we could see the twin towers of KLCC, instead passing directly underneath them as our stop was the one after KLCC station itself.

Disembarking at Ampang Park, and as always, my camera set to video mode and filming constantly, we exited by inserting our blue chipcoins into the ticket barriers, which swallowed them whole, and headed toward the long twin escalators of the high-ceilinged, marble-lined station concourse, in the direction of Jalan Ampang (Ampang road). We emerged onto the road, greeted by the mid-day heat, and tried to orient ourselves among the skyscrapers surrounding us. You'd think it would be easy to spot a 30-storey hotel, but we literally couldn't see the wood for the trees. About to give up, we headed north on a whim, looking for the curvy exterior of our hotel that we'd seen online, and finally saw it, 30 storeys above, a giant InterContinental Hotel, Kuala Lumpur, logo grinning down at us. So dragging our increasingly battered bobbled suitcases across KL's less-than-smooth, often muddy, and often waterlogged pavements next to open and grate-covered sewers, we crossed a couple of roads and ended up at the lobby of the InterContinental, which turned out to be one of the most expensive and poshest 5-star hotels in the city! Luckily for us, the exchange rate meant it was about the same as an average Bed & Breakfast, at about ₤50 per night. Not exactly expensive.

An added bonus to the already uber-posh hotel (so much for a shoestring-budget elective!), because we turned up so early (12pm instead of our scheduled 2pm check-in slot), our room wasn't ready. So after an hour of waiting in the bar, in the now foreign to us concept of the non-smoking area, with free drinks (worth RM20 each) given to us both, the concierge informed us that our deluxe room had been upgraded as a token of apology of all things! Bonus. To Room 1103 we ventured, and were greeted by an incredible room, overlooking the streets 11 storeys below us. It had everything - a massive plasma TV with all the channels you need, a DOUBLE DOUBLE bed (yes, TWO doubles) with a duvet the size of a sail, a chaise-longue, glass desk and leather chair, and most impressively (if it floats your boat) an entirely glass-walled bathroom, complete with automatic bidet (no thanks), rain-effect walk-in shower, and a huge bath. Well, bloomin' luxury, I must admit. Note to self: always turn up early!

The InterContinental Hotel, Kuala Lumpur

Being a proper tourist

So once we'd settled in to our little palace, after freshening up and a general relaaaaaax, we got in touch with my friend Nabila (whom I'd never met before but we'd chatted on the internet for well over a decade, somehow getting in touch but neither of us particularly remembered the specifics!). Nabila is a Malaysian living in KL, who co-owns her own successful company specializing in educating children about robotics, specifically assembly and programming of machines in the name of fun, but with the educational value of learning a programming language and understanding the mechanics of moving vehicles (see website http://www.myroboticslearning.com/). 

So we went against the temptation of getting a hotel shuttle to KLCC, instead favouring the mid-afternoon walk to the twin towers which didn't seem too far away. Now KL can be cooler than some of the rest of Malaysia because it's near the coast, and was having monsoons at this time of year, but its cityscape and heavy traffic can make it a lot hotter nearer the roads and by air conditioning outlets. So we walked the 500 yards or so to the twin towers of KLCC, Emma with brightly coloured rucksack in front of her to avoid potential pickpocketers (the in front bit, not the bright colours!), which we were informed were rife in downtown KL, especially as we wouldn't recognise their version of a chav - Burberry just isn't in vogue here. 

Our walk took us out of the InterContinental's grand, three-floors tall, marble and glass, well lit main lobby with its towering glass panels stretching floor to ceiling to surround the interior of black and grey marble and highly polished walnut, with two sweeping staircases leading to a restaurant and executive suite on the mezzanine. In the middle of the lobby hanging down from the ceiling were two incredible crystal cut chandeliers nearly stretching the whole way down, with mirrors and lights strategically placed to enhance the effect. To the left of the lobby as you walk in was an elevated bar area, where we had our free drinks earlier, to the right a restaurant area for breakfast lunch and dinner, just next to the black marble check-in desks and concierge service. The lifts were to the far left, next to a craft "museum", basically a small room with counters, which we never entered, containing what seemed to be old artefacts from Malaysian history, though each was conveniently labelled by hand with a few numbers, and a Visa/Mastercard/Maestro sticker adorned the entryway... Hmm!!

Emma standing in front of the twin towers of KLCC, containing the headquarters of the Petronas corporation.

Once turning left out of the hotel, and walking in front of the CityBank skyscraper neighbouring the hotel, we walked along Jalan Ampang past a combination of tall buildings, shacks, little buildings, and even a Chinese temple for good measure. A shopping mall was off to the right hand side, called Avenue K, sporting such rarities as H&M, Delifrance and Elle. Emma was happy to bypass this - same stuff, different place, and all that. So we approached the twin towers, their metallic superstructure and immense walls of green glass windows now looming ahead of us, glimmering in the bright afternoon sunlight. The route took us past a construction site for yet another new hotel for KL; interestingly amidst the towering skyscrapers and multimillion pound shopping malls and rich shops, there were a couple of homeless women just sitting, staring blankly into space as we walked by.

One of the first tasks we had when we arrived at KLCC was to find somewhere to eat. We had a look around, and settled on a traditional Malay-looking noodle bar within a central food court in the mall. The next job was to find a mobile phone shop, to buy a Malaysian SIM card to save me crippling international fees every time I needed to contact anyone whether in Malaysia or back in the UK. This process took us a considerable amount of time, being unfamiliar with the brand names of stores, it involved walking from floor to floor along the whole shopping centre, to find a suitable store! Most did not sell SIM cards! Emma enjoyed the window shopping though. Eventually we were told to try the Maxis store, on the ground floor by the main entrance, just to the left of where we actually entered the building! Typical. Maxis was connected to the main Suria KLCC mall by a small corridor, opening out into a huge floorspace with dozens of service desks and a central reception desk whereupon you state your request, and they give you a number to be seen. I approached a friendly looking guy and asked for a SIM, and was directed to a girl who simply asked "passport?" and held out her hand. And then promptly walked away with it! For about 10 minutes. Emma expressed her worry before I did, something along the lines of "I'm not happy about that Jimjim!" and neither was I to be honest, but my memory for faces is so bad I had no idea who took the precious document. 10 relatively fretful minutes later, and we were finally called over to a service desk and my passport handed back to me, along with a SIM card loaded with RM30 and 1GB of internet access. So, new phone number achievement - UNLOCKED!

While we were sitting waiting for my identity to be returned to me, we heard the tremendous crashing of a thunderstorm which had just started raging outside. Peering around a corner and through to the main doors of the Maxis building we saw bright flashes of light illuminating sheets of heavy rain. Nothing better to do at this time, we stood at the entranceway to KLCC mall and took in the tremendous power of the tropical storm raging around us, doing its level best to conduct the static electricity of the clouds to the ground via the massive metal lightning conductors towering above us, the Petronas towers!

The next step was to find something to drink, we were by this point a bit on the knackered side from all the travelling around. Suria KLCC Mall is a 4-storey building stretching out in two large wings from a central atrium, linked by glass elevators and numerous escalators to each end of the wings. Each floor had its own theme, ranging from clothing to technology to children's and dining. We walked around to find a suitable place, eventually settling on the restaurant area overlooking the impressive programmed display fountains and KLCC Park to the south-west of the twin towers above us. A smoothie bar was the chosen location to have a drink, with apparently the Australian bacteria called TD4 added to it. I wasn't entirely sure about buying pets abroad, but the smoothie was OK if not very filling!! We waited here for Nabila to arrive.

Nabila arrived on the floor above us, by my accidental information giving that that was where we were! In the end my bright green T-shirt and eventual correct information allowed her to find us, and to my relief I recognised her as she descended the escalator toward us - first actual meeting in 10 years! Refusing a drink with us, she immediately took the lead and we were very grateful for that! Next stop: KLCC Aquarium!

Becoming even more touristy

For our first tourist stop under the auspices of expert tour-guide Nabila, we headed to the impressive KLCC Aquarium, situated a short walk via a series of tunnels, a short distance from the KLCC complex. It was Malaysia's biggest aquarium, and contained a plexiglass tunnel (about 3 inches thick) through which a moving belt took you slowly beneath the water, allowing you to observe the collection of manta rays, turtles, sharks, and other exotic creatures the aquarium had to offer. It was lovely, of course nice to see the animals but always a shame to see them in captivity and not in the wild, but on the flip-side, better to be preserved than ending up in a Japanese fishing net and sold illegally as soup! 

KLCC Aquarium

Nabila and me in the plexiglass tunnel, walking with the fishes

The next stop from our inexhaustible tour guide was the previously tallest building in KL, the KL Tower or Menara KL, the telecommunications tower. Nabila's car a grey Honda 4x4, was parked in one of the KLCC car parks, accessible, strangely, via some lifts at the back of a high-end a sports store! She drove amiably through the evening KL traffic, which could be described as more of a cake than a simple jam, in terms of its sheer density and unwillingness to move. We were treated with the impressive sight of the twin towers to our left, gleaming in the evening sunset, before we crawled our way through the evening rush and toward the tower. Nabila pointed out some traditional markets and eateries along the way (we had plenty of time to chat!), and eventually found a let up in the traffic allowing us to make some progress toward the tower. One of the roads had us follow in parallel to KL's monorail system overhead, and we saw one white train disappearing off into the distance as we passed another Concorde Hotel, accompanied by its Hard Rock Cafe. Arriving at the menara (tower) Nabila's next challenge was finding somewhere to park - the single-level car park forming a U-shape around the base of the tower. There turned out to be plenty of spaces at the most distant part of the car park, accompanied by a sign - Reversed Parking Only! I initially thought it was a typo for ReSeRved parking, but all the cars were actually backed in, so I admitted my fault! The car park took us past the Ferrari F1 store, complete with its multimillion ringgit driving simulator complex and gift shop.

From the car we walked the short distance to the entry door (pintu masuk) of the tower complex, and ascended a flight of stairs to the maroon-coloured plushly capeted, yet not air-conditioned, lobby level, which was thronged by crowds of tourists and locals alike. I thought it resembled a stock exchange! As the three of us turned left from the top of the escalator, there was a large queue formed of all nationalities in front of what looked like the lift shafts; another smaller queue formed in front of the ticket desks to the right.

Stretching 421m into the sky in total, the tower was completed in 1995, and had until recently only allowed visitors up to the enclosed observation deck, and revolving restaurant. However now, at RM50 more per person (about a tenner extra) and with the bonus of having to sign a waiver clearing them of any responsibility should you wish to jump off or push someone else off, we could spend 45 minutes watching the city pass below us with no obstructions or reflections to our view. Nabila planned to stay downstairs, having been up a few times already.

Emma's and my VIP-esque tickets to the highest floor earned us a queue jump, and we were ushered briskly past the waiting line of cattle-class passengers awaiting their lift to the top. I'm sure we got a few looks as they then preceded to board the same lift that the two of us had by now set up camp in and made ourselves at home. The lift was the first impressive experience, whistling its way up the tower in under a minute, first dropping off every passenger but us at the lower observation floor (windowed, with reflections), and then dropping us off at the top one. The lift was an industrial cage really, though with solid walls; nothing fancy, just a display which beeped occasionally as we went up, ears popping as we did so in near silence with the rest of the guests. Once the doors opened for us at the top, we stepped out into a very quiet and bare concrete corridor, painted yellow and lit by unguarded fluorescent tubes and with grey linoleum underfoot, faced by a row of red chairs like those you'd find in a private clinic waiting room; one security guard met us, and indicated us to leave our bags with him, and hand in our insurance waivers. In broken Malay I asked how long we had, he replied 45 minutes. We were waved toward an open set of red double doors, with the ominous sign on the floor saying CAUTION - High Risk Area! Neatly avoiding the sign, which I presumed was the high risk area in question, we stepped out into the void beyond the double doors to be met with an incredible view.

The sound of the air conditioning and buzz of electric lights gave way to the calm and relatively cool night air of KL at nearly 500 metres altitude. You could hear traffic gently roaring along below, with the occasional beep of a frustrated driver, and wail of an emergency service vehicle somewhere in the distance. There was a mild constant breeze, but nothing too major. Certainly not enough to take off in, but enough to fly a pretty decent kite. I was glad to find that we were prevented from falling off the edge by a chest-high sheet of safety glass all the way around the circle, propped up by a grey metal frame. I had wondered how "open" the area would be, but realised how silly it was to have thought there would just be a sheer drop! We took a very slow walk around the circumference of the viewing platform, noting there were about 10 other people up there with us enjoying the sights. I confess we took a few selfies, and I spent some time taking a panoramic shot which will probably appear on the web somewhere in a couple of months. From the top you could see for miles, unsurprisingly. Easily as far as the city limits in all directions, and we could pick up many landmarks around the city, from the obvious twin towers, to the banks surrounding our hotel, a couple of mosques including the national mosque (masjid negara), Islamic museum, and countless shopping centres. Looking to the south you could see planes in the sky, but the airport itself was beyond the range of hills that we'd travelled through on the way to KL via the Ekspres train. Once we'd walked round a couple of times, we headed back into the yellow corridor to pick up our bags and await the arrival of the express lift, which instead of taking us straight to the bottom, took us one level down - to the main viewing gallery (lit, and surrounded by glass), full of hundreds of people and of course, the inevitable gift shop. We moved swiftly around the place and went back to the lift shaft, accidentally performing an almighty queue jump by going out through the entrance (dilarang masuk - no entry!) and finding ourselves in an altogether more decorated lift, complete with marble decor, carpet and nice lighting in the form of a chandelier, and a display informing us how many metres we were above the ground. We were joined by about 15 other people, all photographing the display as it beeped its way back to 0m. We disembarked into a chandeliered atrium, complete with an empty Bangladeshi restaurant with the head waiter outside it trying to beckon us in!

A $100 view... Well, RM100 to be exact, from the very top open-air observation deck of Menara KL

Nabila met us as we turned around the corner from the exitway into the lobby, and we descended down its escalators and stairs to find the car parked below, swinging first via the Formula 1 store but finding it, unsurprisingly, prohibitively expensive!

Still full of energy, and being an exceptionally good host, in the time that we'd been observing the life of her city pass by beneath us from the observation deck, Nabila had managed to book us a table at her local Thai restaurant within the shopping centre near her home in Bangsar, a district of KL similar to the likes of Harrow or Wimbledon. So back on the road we went, snaking through the now quieter streets, to a completely unknown destination, Nabila again pointing out some of the attractions along the way, and being questioned by me as to the history of Malaysia - for reference, it gained independence from the British on 31st August 1957. We arrived at the mall in Bangsar, to be greeted with a very nice restaurant indeed, decorated in dark wood but with a modern twist. We left Nabila to order the food, and were presented with a delicious mix of fish, chicken and other meat dishes (I couldn't identify a meat if it moo'd at me). Delicious, thoroughly enjoyed it. Washed down with an ice lemon tea, we were very satisfied!

All that was left to do was to go home, back to the hotel, and our very helpful guide promised to see us both again the next day - but not before taking us around some further sights of KL at night time. Nabila drove us through the Indian district, of Brickfields, a decoratively lit avenue of KL near the centre, even at this late hour still busy with hundreds of people scattered around the various covered and uncovered small places to eat dotted along its pavements. It was strung with rows of blue, red and white lights, as if it was Christmas; the area was demarked by large decorative arches spanning all four lanes of the dual carriageway avenue as you entered and left the area. From Brickfields, and having traversed it in both directions, we saw the old central train station, aptly just named Kuala Lumpur on the maps, a great white-fronted Islamic building, complete with pointed arches, spires and some white, with hundreds of arched windows covering its front. It boasted a solitary round tower mounted at the corner of the building nearest to us as we approached, looking like a bell tower or lookout post, supporting a pointed white dome, with a brim similar to that on a bowler cap, supported by white pillars forming pointed archways. Eight smaller spikes emerged from the brim of the hat, surrounding the dome with what seemed like white candles. You would never have guessed it was a railway station, especially in the low light of the streetlamps and headlights; it looked more like a palace!

Across the road from the station stood a similarly designed but grey/brown fronted building, less ornate however equally as large as its 200 or so metre length opposite neighbour, with an old railway signalling post outside it and the KTM logo seen underneath a dome and spike protruding from the middle of its facade. This building is the headquarters of the Malaysian railway network. Just past the station, to the left, we saw the bright lights of the square, modern-looking, concrete and marble national mosque (masjid negara) a solitary spire pointing aloft to the heavens from its heart. It was still brightly lit, and people milled around its perimeter. We recognised the brightly lit building as one we had seen, unknowingly, from the top of the Menara KL (KL Tower). Eventually the Petronas headquarters grew bigger in the windscreen, and we arrived back at our hotel in the Ampang Park district of KL to turn in for the night.